November 13, 2011

(Not-so-quietly) ranting

In the last year or so, I've had so many people tell me that:

I'm "so" quiet,
I have to be more vocal,
I should step out of my comfort zone, or
my personality type needs to be pushed in social situations..

I'm seriously starting to develop a complex.  Oh wait, I think already have.

I'm not saying that the things I've mentioned above don't have any truth to it.  They do.  I can be quiet and stubborn about knowing what's comfortable for me.  But lately I feel like people see these as negative traits about my personality when up until the couple of years or so, I've been pretty comfortable with who I am.  And now.. not so much.  I just get the impression that I'm being told what's wrong with me.  Who cares if I'm not the life of the party or if I'm not always the first person to start a conversation or that I have a soft-spoken nature.  I'm honest and I stand up for myself (and others) when it counts.  I know what's right for me.  I don't need anyone trying to tell me what to do - I own my decisions, my mistakes and who I am.

I've just been thinking about all of this for the last few days and it's bothering me more than I'd like to admit (so naturally, I'm spilling my feelings on my very public blog!).  Of course, I have my moments where I envy people that seem to always say the right thing.  But I'm probably never going to be like that and I don't want to not like me because of it.  When I do step out of my comfort zone, it'll be because I want to.  I want to take a risk or I've met a person who makes me want to open up.  Is that so wrong?

I don't know.  Maybe the reason why I'm so quiet these days is because I'm not sure if anyone is really listening to begin with.

3 comments:

  1. I think people who make you feel self conscious because you're shy or soft spoken need to go shoot themselves. I remember not too long ago being in a group of women I did not know and you struck up a conversation with me! I think you're braver than you give yourself credit for and besides, who cares if you're quieter than others? To tell you the truth, people fuckin talk too much anyway. The world would be better with some quieter people.

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  2. @FieryPixieDust - Have I ever told you how awesome you are? :)

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  3. I totally understand because I'm like that too. I happen to be a very quiet person, unless we're old acquaintances. I like to think it's because I want to be careful about what I say and how I say and who I say it too. Maybe it's the same for you?

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